Shortly before I went to be last night one of the children asked to talk with me and shared some of their frustrations and feelings of embarrssment over the way that I react to certain behaviors. I made a point of listening carefully and striving to let my child be heard and taken seriously, but it was a painful thing, and hard to take from a small person who in most ways does not begin to understand the adult world. However, one thing kids do understand is whether they are being loved, comforted and cared for and one thing they can spot immediately is whether a mom is second-guessing herself. In these things and more I have fallen short. It is a heartbreak, and yes I was reeling, but I am so thankful that I was able to fall asleep looking forward to the newness of God's mercy in the morning...and just as expected, His mercy did in fact greet and encourage my heart.
I would be deceiving myself if I chose to think that educating these kids from home is the comfortable path, yet I can not stomach that feeling of timidity that prevents me from completely embracing the privilege. Neither can I ignore the fact that if I am not completely resolved and if I do not pursue this avenue in love it will be a heartbreak, not only for me, but for my kids! God...give me the hope of that daily mercy and strength to do what You have called me to do.
